VISITORS

It is often visitors who improve a patient’s quality of remaining life more than anyone or anything else. One aspect of caring for patients is caring for family members and friends by acknowledging their contribution and showing concern for their feelings.

«  “We must ensure that those who visit are not neglected but receive appropriate support for themselves. This might be ... transport, meals or interpretation of the illness and patients’ behavior, and providing the necessary space for the visitors to share what they are feeling and experiencing.” (Peter Speck, Being There) 

Some common worries of those visiting the sick include:

• What will I see in the hospital or hospice?

• What will I say?

• How can I help?

• What should I take?

• Will I catch anything?

• How long should I stay?

• How often should I go?

• What if other visitors arrive?

• What if I get upset?

• What if I feel embarrassed?

• What if I say the wrong thing?

The ideal visitor makes the patient feel more loved, more supported and more in touch with the outside world. He listens, helps with practical things (without making a fuss), and understands that illness can make you tired and irritable.

Too many visitors is a common problem, particularly for the terminally ill. (Do not make assumptions about how many visitors a patient wants. Discuss it.) It is often a dilemma for patients, wanting the support and yet finding constant visitors exhausting. Families can delegate one person to organize a schedule of visitors. The patient can then feel supported without being overwhelmed. Professional carers can assist patient and family by constructing boundaries. It is easier to say "The doctor and nurse have said visitors must only stay five minutes now", rather than "You’re tiring her out with all this visiting."

Relations with professional staff can become tense if communication among staff and visitors is neglected. Visitors are often frightened of procedures or equipment and often feel very inadequate, or “in the way”. Family visitors may also feel guilty. (“We wanted to cope at home but we couldn’t.”) They may feel resentful if their own expertise and hard work in nursing the patient at home is simply ignored or not acknowledged.

Children should be encouraged to visit the sick and the dying. However, children have short concentration spans, so provision needs to be made for them to play for some of the time, if they visit for more than a few minutes. 

Long-term visitors to a nursing home, hospital or hospice can become part of the establishment. Visiting becomes a major part of their life. If the patient dies they may need to continue the relationship with the caring team for a time. Many hospices make provision for this. (see Grief)

The author and publisher have taken precautions to ensure that the information in this book is error-free. However, readers must be guided by their own personal and professional standards of good practice in evaluating and applying recommendations made herein. The contents of this book represent the views and experience of the author, and not necessarily those of the publisher.